Hello, World

August 30, 2006 - Heidi and I went to the beach, chilled, talked, hung out... did our usual thing. We talked about our respective romantic relationships with the other people in our lives. We came to the mutual conclusion, that the moral of our respective stories is "Hey... you should of just dated me."

But hey, you do what you need to do. You take as long as you need to figure things out. In the end, if its meant to be, I'll be around for you.

Carlos Mencia on Natural Selection (Episode 107):

"See thats the problem with America, there's too many stupid people and no one to eat them... What I love about [Natural Selection] is that its real, the goofy ones dont live on to have sex anymore!"

So I'm still in the middle of Jared Diamond's book WHY SEX IS FUN: The Evolution of Human Sexuality. I admit, I'm going through it very slowly, but hey... its summmer.

Anyway, here's an excerpt.

"Now consider the dilemma facing an ovulating cave woman who has just been fertilized. In any other mammal species, the male who did it would promptly go off in search of another ovulating female to fertilize. For the cavewoman, though, the male's departure would expose her eventual child to the likelihood of starvation or murder. What can she do to keep that man? Her brilliant solution: remain sexually receptive even after ovulating! Keep him satisfied by copulating whenever he wants! In that way, he'll hang around, have no need to look for new sex partners, and will even share his daily hunting bag of meat. Recreational sex is thus supposed to function as the glue holding a human couple together while they cooperate in rearing their helpless baby." (Pages 68-69)

So essentially its saying that the evolution of recreational sex is the result of the female of our species feeling helpless and vulnerable during a time when natural selection and the natural elements of the surrounding world OWNED our eventually to become technologically advanced arses! Geeze.

Sex and the evolution of the Human Species...

My High School english teacher had this thing... he told me that since he spent the majority of the school year reading nothing but fiction, he made it a point to specifically read only Non-Fiction during the summer months. I though that was a good idea, so that, apart from the several novels I read for summer school, is what I did. I engulfed myself in non-fiction.

One of the books I'm reading is from the world renowned UCLA professor of Geography, Jared Diamond who wrote the two best sellers, COLLAPSE and GUNS, GERMS and STEEL. Its titled WHY IS SEX SO FUN, and explores the peculiarites of human sexuality through the biological and physiological factors that differentiate us humans from the rest of the animal kingdom. Anyway, I came to the conclusion that human sexuality is like the Opposable thumb. Its just another one of those things that distinguishes the evolution of human behavior from those of apes, monkeys or any other animal on the planet.

I've also started to get a little worried. The new relationship isnt all Peaches and Ice Cream anymore. Not only that, but I'm still having trust issues, not just between me and him, but between me, and pretty much everyone else. So yeah, I'm a bitter and cynical person. What's new.

Well I haven't written in this thing forever. Seems like lately a lot has been happening but I haven't been documenting it anywhere except my mind which we all know is potentially unreliable and decieving.

Anyway, Andy Metzger, his roommate Michael McMillian and I went up to six flags just for shits and giggles. Mike and Andy are both currently in the Navy but Mike is transfering to become an Army Cavalry Scout in exactly 26 days from today. That means he's going to Iraq to do reconissance, and who knows where he'll be six months from now...

Needless to say, the three of us had a rocking arse time. So rocking in fact that I spent the better part of today just cleaning up the mess in my car from the party.

Early Morning Text Message conversations between JEG and Elan

05:31 AM. Monday July 31, 2006

JEG to ELAN:

My Buddy thinks you are GORGEUS. (Insert pic of white guy in navy camo here)

11:10AM. Monday July 31, 2006

ELAN to JEG:

Your buddy looks like my beaner boss from LA. What's his name, age, height and all that crap and most importantly, is he going to street scene? How's Mike doing, I had a dream that we were both doing group therapy for terminal illnesses, then YOU came in and stabbed me with a fork while no none was looking. Tell him I said hi. Show your buddy... and any other single buddies you have the pic that im attatching. My tat is peeling/ itches like a bitch... send someone over to rub unscented lotion on it and another dude to give me a back massage. Don't be a "dee Dee DEE", reply back.

Elan (Insert full body shot from earlier post here)

Loving the New Tat. Let me know what you think!!!!

http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i92/elan7253/P1000783.jpg

http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i92/elan7253/facebooktattoonew.jpg

Like Bono from U2 said in their song Yaweh from the HTDAAB Album "Always Pain Before a Child is Born" Basically he meant that something always has to hurt in order for you to know what the good really feels like.. or something like that. You're smart, you figure it out.

Anyway, in terms of my life it goes a little something something like this.... Needles, Pins, Buzzing Burning Sensations, Ink... Mild Pain yielding big results. In other words, I've finally got my ass around to getting INKeD. Yes, that is right baby... Elan has a new tattoo.

Here's the Sketch.. I'll post a real pic of it when I take the bandage off tomorrow morning.

http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i92/elan7253/scan.jpg

So I'm talking to xoffroadragex on AIM. I found him on Craigslist. We exchanged emails, photos, AIM SNs, and now we're talking... and our conversations are starting out... basically the same as the preliminary ones between me and JEG. Get this... his name is JOHN!!!!! DEJA VU OR WHAT THE FUCK?!


Wayyy too early to call anything as of yet.

BUT WE'RE BOTH ALLERGIC TO ALCOHOL!!!!!!

So here's the deal. I'm about to start up a massive update. I've been on hiatus for quite some time now, and its about time I get up on here and write down everything that's been going on.

So JEG and I split on Tuesday July 18, 2006. After about a month of absolute happiness, he emails me, only to tell me that he can't see me anymore. I, naturally, email him back and leave a rather mean message on his voicemail. About an hour later, I got a reply from him saying that he went out on a date with his ex, and realized that all this time he was still in love with her. He said he couldn't continue to live a lie, so I... let him go. At the time I figured "Who am I to stand in the way of his happiness. Who am I to stand in the way of true love." However, looking back on the whole thing, I wonder.. should I have fought harder to keep him? Should I have put up a fight? Should I have stood up to him and say.. "Hey what about me? What's been going on between us has been great? I'm worth a shot!" Looking back on it all, I want to complie all our emails, all our IM conversations which my computer automatically logs, go over them and highlight all the words like "Kiss" and "Hug" and "Beautiful" and "I really like you" and "I miss you" and "This is too good to be true" and throw them all in his face and say "HEY! This is what you had... let's work on it and see where it goes." Looking back on it all... I've realized one thing... I FELL FOR JOHN ERIC GILLIS... and at the time of our split, I realize that I was just then working up the courage to say "John-Eric, I love you."

A week later, and I can only say that I am absolutely still completely hung up on him. Things would be a lot easier if he had left me in some situation where I was absolutely mad at him. But here's the thing... My JEG is soo perfect... so right for me. I once told someone that, yes, JEG is absolutely the male equivalent of Elan. But I can't have him... he's not in love with me the way that I was with him.

So naturally, after we split, I went to the one place where I found him. I am proud to admit that I fould the perfect guy on CRAIGSLIST. So, in a bit of hastiness, I posted my own craigslist ad, hoping yet again to find another JEG. Within the first hour or so I got literalyl 200+ replies to my ad... but none of them seemed to immediately click with me the way JEG and I did in our first few days of talking. In an attempt to get over JEG, I gave my phone number to a few guys that peaked my interest. They're both 20. One is Nick... the 20 year old guy going to MESA college, currently living in a house with three other guys. The other is Josh, the 20 year old Marine who has a sexual libido just as healthy as mine. They're both not originally from San Diego, and they both do not know many people down here.

To say that I believe JEG is the only man out there for me would be a complete lie. I in fact believe that there are other people out there just as good, just as sweet, just as attractive as JEG... and my feeling is that right now, its all a waiting game until I find them or they find me.

John-Eric Gillis:
Here is my heart,
I ripped it out
and kneeded it into strings for you.
Put them on your guitar
so when you play you feel
exactly what I feel...
Make me the melody
the song in your heart
the lyrics in your mind
the rythm in your fingers
the image on the tattoo on your chest.

"And I wonder,
when I sing along with you
if EVERYTHING could be this REAL forever
if ANYTHING could ever be this GOOD again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
you gotta promise not to stop when I say when
she sang"

- FOO FIGHTERS, Everlong (That was OUR song baby!)